Holy shit, you niggaz is still here

[ichaelmay8]

I can't even believe it. What's good guys? I dunno if matt or burton updated you on what's been up with me, but i've been in this whirlwind of shit ever since i transferred. And no, I don't want to talk about very much of it. I've been totally in love, to disgusted, to upset, to insecure, to crazy, and everywhere in between. Drunk, sober, smoking cigarettes in clubs... It's been a crazy six months. I'm still at RIT, rocking a 3.7 average, and pretty much living it up, when i can. I don't even recognize my life as it was six months ago. Sup yo?

[Haloruler64]

I'm extremely sick with no signs of improving (over a 1.5 year period), and it really goddamn sucks. Ruining my life.

[kevipapo1]

TL;DR Life's ok. I'm accomplishing a lot, but as a person I feel lost. All my problems will be solved with college, though.

I'm turning into somewhat of an absurdist about things. I do what makes me happy, while doing what society asks of me. I can't ask for much else. I'm waiting for the day when all choices become my choices, when I can truly be myself. I feel constrained at school. I only feel like myself when I am out and about, or even on nights of rehearsal. I don't feel welcome at school, nor do I make the others around me feel welcome, except the elite few who I respect and talk to on a daily basis. Everyone else can go away for all I care. It's not that I don't like anyone, but I don't feel like their existence means much to me anyway. It's unhuman, sure, but I could care less. College is the next big step, and the past will finally be erased. I'll be a new person, no preconceptions, nothing. I'll really be myself.

Met a good amount of incredible people, done a good amount of different drugs. Rocking a 3.5 or 3.6 GPA. Making teachers happy. Currently I'm part of a theater production, and that's fully done after this week. Just learned that Saturday night there's a cast party (after the last show), so that's my time to get fucked up and finally enjoy a life where I get out of school and go straight home at 3:30 the latest. That's gonna be damn nice to have back, whereas right now I'm going home at 10 the latest, 8 the earliest. Not fun. Future endeavors mostly revolve around a remodel of this game room I have at my dad's. I'm constantly collecting unused money during the week to add to the total budget, and just to save up on other things. So far I'm at about $100 with the current money I have yet to deposit.

I feel pretty accomplished in my goals and ambition, but as myself, as a person, an individual, I feel pretty damn lost. I like a lot of different people, I don't like others. It's become such a clusterfuck that I've turned myself into an absurdist about it. Already covered that in the first paragraph.

So yeah, life's not bad I suppose. I'm waiting on the world to solve all my problems. It actually seems that everything is gonna solve itself as time goes on. Right now life is a clusterfuck with theater. Come next week that'll all be behind me. Free time galore! The remodel project will give me a more enjoyable home. After that, I'm not sure what others problems there'll be to solve. Maybe the question of where I fit in as a person, but that's always something that solves itself over time with self discovery and enlightenment. Ultimately all of my problems will be solved as I'm thrown off to college.

I'm giving myself a lot to look forward to in the long run. I guess that's the way I want it to be.

[Rynsuho]

TL;DR, Life's ok. I'm accomplishing a little, but as a person i feel lost. i don't know when they'll be solved.

actually, atm, i just got home (house sitting my aunt's, it feels more like home than home sometimes) from walmart, grabbing water, food and shit for the freaking storm.

to find out matt deleted his facebook, uninstalled skype, and i'm blaming myself for part of it.
i pushed him while he was fighting with walsh. he was fighting with walsh because i defriended walsh. i defriended walsh because he was being whiny and i got sick of it.

i don't freaking know where i'm going anymore. i need to go back to tae kwon do. i need to keep taking with alyssa. and i need my brother.

i've been up and chugging monster, 5 hour energy for 18 hours. i got about 4 hours of sleep last night. my head is spinning out of control. balance is a joke right now.

[ichaelmay8]

Holy shit, sounds like you guys haven't had a very good time :/

Burton, i'm surprised that you're in this thread. Doesn't everyone hate me because of how things went with rox? I mean, she dumped me, but i'm surprised she hasn't spun it to make me sound like the devil yet....

[Rynsuho]

roxy can be over emotional at times. and right now, she's cutting herself off from everyone, so the fallout has barely started. it's not a big deal either way, she's mostly blaming herself, it sounds like.

[Tacdeho]

tl;dr: Remember when you left for R.I.T, and I was an emotional rollercoaster of shit, bitchiness, depression, suicide and emotional breakdowns? Well, old ways die hard.

Nothing has changed. I'm still out to destroy myself; i'm still a waste of space, I still hate myself more than life itself, and it would seem my prayers go unanswered in this Godless wasteland.

I've learned one thing since I last saw you; if even that. That is: You cannot love a monster. I am what i've made myself. You make your choices, and you live with them. That's the life lesson i've had to learn hard: If you make a choice, prepare to deal with the consequences without fear, or else, you'll end up wrapping your head in it for eternity. I'm coming to grips with every decision i've ever made, and the regret that has piled up is tearing me apart from the inside out. The monster finally meets the ending he created for himself.

And in case you're at all curious, she hasn't made you out to be anything, and anything she says, I'm bound to take another half to the story before I make assumptions. I know better than that.

On the upside, you dont seem like your taking it too horrible, or you're intaking it all and burying it deep. I hope its the former, for your sake and mine, buddy.

[ichaelmay8]

It's a tough situation. You guys don't know what it's been like to be with her. There were a lot of good times, a lot of closeness, but there was so much distrust, and frankly, i resented her because of how she treated me. I drove back to her place every weekend, a four hour drive, for almost six months. What precipitated us breaking up was her losing her shit over me wanting to take a break from driving for a weekend. Also, she said that she would not have done the same for me. She gave me a bullshit excuse, but i know that this is true. I didn't realize how much all of the constant drama, constant fighting, not having any money, and emotional stress that it put on me until we were through. I feel this huge release right now. Yes, i miss her, but after taking a step back and realizing how much bullshit she put on my shoulders, i'm not interested in talking to her.

I'm sure one of you two will end up showing her this post, and I don't really care. It's how I feel. She's going to have a retort, a rebuttle, like she always does. I'm sick of her logic that jumps from track to track leaving me wondering what the hell just happened. I'm tired of being accused, insulted, and used. I'm tired of the guilt trips for wanting things that are good for me. I'm tired of the pressure to drop out of RIT. I'm just so through with her. Not to mention she went insane when she ended it, she called me 73 times within the next hour. When she was willing to end it just because I wasn't coming back, i realized how ridiculous this whole thing is. It's been a sham, one-sided. I'm willing to sacrifice so much for her... My savings, my sanity, the physical condition of my car, and the risks i take with skipping classes when i get pressured to stay longer. She visited me up here once. Just once. In six months. She didn't sacrifice shit for me. So I don't want to talk to her. I don't want to hear from her. I don't want to see her ever again. All she was in this for was instant gratification, and all I wanted was a serious relationship.

Just wish I hadn't gone full retard. I'm fixing that now though. It starts with self-respect.

[Tacdeho]

It's a tough situation. You guys don't know what it's been like to be with her. There were a lot of good times, a lot of closeness, but there was so much distrust, and frankly, i resented her because of how she treated me. I drove back to her place every weekend, a four hour drive, for almost six months. What precipitated us breaking up was her losing her shit over me wanting to take a break from driving for a weekend. Also, she said that she would not have done the same for me. She gave me a bullshit excuse, but i know that this is true. I didn't realize how much all of the constant drama, constant fighting, not having any money, and emotional stress that it put on me until we were through. I feel this huge release right now. Yes, i miss her, but after taking a step back and realizing how much bullshit she put on my shoulders, i'm not interested in talking to her.

I'm sure one of you two will end up showing her this post, and I don't really care. It's how I feel. She's going to have a retort, a rebuttle, like she always does. I'm sick of her logic that jumps from track to track leaving me wondering what the hell just happened. I'm tired of being accused, insulted, and used. I'm tired of the guilt trips for wanting things that are good for me. I'm tired of the pressure to drop out of RIT. I'm just so through with her. Not to mention she went insane when she ended it, she called me 73 times within the next hour. When she was willing to end it just because I wasn't coming back, i realized how ridiculous this whole thing is. It's been a sham, one-sided. I'm willing to sacrifice so much for her... My savings, my sanity, the physical condition of my car, and the risks i take with skipping classes when i get pressured to stay longer. She visited me up here once. Just once. In six months. She didn't sacrifice shit for me. So I don't want to talk to her. I don't want to hear from her. I don't want to see her ever again. All she was in this for was instant gratification, and all I wanted was a serious relationship.

Just wish I hadn't gone full retard. I'm fixing that now though. It starts with self-respect.

This is at the point where I will give you two pieces of information; The complete and total, cutthroat asshole comment that will be looked upon in a million ways as unnessecary, and uncalled for.
And the other will be a piece of useful information.

First the asshole: Its at this point where the phrase "Told you so", comes in so nessecary. I dont need to go into much depth with this, but that phrase should be cutting pretty deep at the moment. Karma took its hold, as always. It doesnt make me happy in any semblence, but its the first thing that ran through my head the first time I read it, and hasn't stopped. We made a point of saying this road would lead you down this road, and you lost close to a half a year of your life to the stupid move that you made.

Now the less asshole part: Burton, nor I will show her this. It's not either of our places to go to her and be like "OMG LOOK AT WUT MIEK SAID BOUT U", likewise is it our place to run and go "OMG LOK WUT ROXI SAD ON FACEBOOK". I dont know the innards of your relationship, and I never will. I dont get any idea of a story from her yet, its all Facebook posts about how she dun goof'd and the consequences havent been the same sense. If you decide that its better for your personal life, your mental state, your physicial state, and your bank account, than I cant damn you for taking a stand over it, man. You felt like it's taking too much of a toll? She ended it. The way i'm looking at things, you wanted an escape, and she made sure that you didnt have any guilt ties left behind. You're in a disconnection period, and its bound to happen for a while, but the way i'm looking at everything (again, not able to judge the entirety of your relationship, I awsnt in it), things should be on the up and up for you. Good luck with it all, man. Just remember this much; You wanna come home, you wanna chill, dont feel like you're not allowed because of what she's doing/done/will do. You're my guest, and you're welcome wherever I chill. Bro's before hoes, all day, every day, west side, pop it likes its hot, and all other gangstah related bro speeches.

[ichaelmay8]

It's a tough situation. You guys don't know what it's been like to be with her. There were a lot of good times, a lot of closeness, but there was so much distrust, and frankly, i resented her because of how she treated me. I drove back to her place every weekend, a four hour drive, for almost six months. What precipitated us breaking up was her losing her shit over me wanting to take a break from driving for a weekend. Also, she said that she would not have done the same for me. She gave me a bullshit excuse, but i know that this is true. I didn't realize how much all of the constant drama, constant fighting, not having any money, and emotional stress that it put on me until we were through. I feel this huge release right now. Yes, i miss her, but after taking a step back and realizing how much bullshit she put on my shoulders, i'm not interested in talking to her.

I'm sure one of you two will end up showing her this post, and I don't really care. It's how I feel. She's going to have a retort, a rebuttle, like she always does. I'm sick of her logic that jumps from track to track leaving me wondering what the hell just happened. I'm tired of being accused, insulted, and used. I'm tired of the guilt trips for wanting things that are good for me. I'm tired of the pressure to drop out of RIT. I'm just so through with her. Not to mention she went insane when she ended it, she called me 73 times within the next hour. When she was willing to end it just because I wasn't coming back, i realized how ridiculous this whole thing is. It's been a sham, one-sided. I'm willing to sacrifice so much for her... My savings, my sanity, the physical condition of my car, and the risks i take with skipping classes when i get pressured to stay longer. She visited me up here once. Just once. In six months. She didn't sacrifice shit for me. So I don't want to talk to her. I don't want to hear from her. I don't want to see her ever again. All she was in this for was instant gratification, and all I wanted was a serious relationship.

Just wish I hadn't gone full retard. I'm fixing that now though. It starts with self-respect.

This is at the point where I will give you two pieces of information; The complete and total, cutthroat asshole comment that will be looked upon in a million ways as unnessecary, and uncalled for.
And the other will be a piece of useful information.

First the asshole: Its at this point where the phrase "Told you so", comes in so nessecary. I dont need to go into much depth with this, but that phrase should be cutting pretty deep at the moment. Karma took its hold, as always. It doesnt make me happy in any semblence, but its the first thing that ran through my head the first time I read it, and hasn't stopped. We made a point of saying this road would lead you down this road, and you lost close to a half a year of your life to the stupid move that you made.

Now the less asshole part: Burton, nor I will show her this. It's not either of our places to go to her and be like "OMG LOOK AT WUT MIEK SAID BOUT U", likewise is it our place to run and go "OMG LOK WUT ROXI SAD ON FACEBOOK". I dont know the innards of your relationship, and I never will. I dont get any idea of a story from her yet, its all Facebook posts about how she dun goof'd and the consequences havent been the same sense. If you decide that its better for your personal life, your mental state, your physicial state, and your bank account, than I cant damn you for taking a stand over it, man. You felt like it's taking too much of a toll? She ended it. The way i'm looking at things, you wanted an escape, and she made sure that you didnt have any guilt ties left behind. You're in a disconnection period, and its bound to happen for a while, but the way i'm looking at everything (again, not able to judge the entirety of your relationship, I awsnt in it), things should be on the up and up for you. Good luck with it all, man. Just remember this much; You wanna come home, you wanna chill, dont feel like you're not allowed because of what she's doing/done/will do. You're my guest, and you're welcome wherever I chill. Bro's before hoes, all day, every day, west side, pop it likes its hot, and all other gangstah related bro speeches.

Thanks so much man. I figured it was going to go like this: she dumps me, she makes me out to be a huge scumbag, and all of you hate me, and i don't get to see you all ever again. The "told you so" thing doesn't really bother me at all. I mean... we both expected this to take effort, and we both knew i wouldn't be around, but I didn't expect her to be the way she was. When we were starting out, she was completely different. When we both became committed, she changed faster than a straight man in a locker room at a primarily gay gym. This change wasn't pleasant. She was more moody, less supportive of what I wanted. I hadn't expected her to become so bitchy. As for karma, haha, you're probably right.

But, i still wanted to stay with her. I'm either retarded or masochistic. I didn't want to break up until she told me it was over for good. When she said that, it felt like i couldn't trust her to be sane about any decision that i wanted to make. We've been having a ton of problems as it was, and we had a break about three weeks ago.

I'm nowhere near chasing other girls. There are a few after me, but i have no desire to get into another relationship for a while. I want to enjoy my freedom. I like the biggest thing bringing me down today is there being too much pulp in my OJ. It sounds retarded, but I just love not worrying anymore. Not caring. She called me from her parents' house phone yesterday, hoping i'd answer like "hurr durr hello?". Copied and pasted it into google, got hudson, ny. Derp.

[Tacdeho]

It's a tough situation. You guys don't know what it's been like to be with her. There were a lot of good times, a lot of closeness, but there was so much distrust, and frankly, i resented her because of how she treated me. I drove back to her place every weekend, a four hour drive, for almost six months. What precipitated us breaking up was her losing her shit over me wanting to take a break from driving for a weekend. Also, she said that she would not have done the same for me. She gave me a bullshit excuse, but i know that this is true. I didn't realize how much all of the constant drama, constant fighting, not having any money, and emotional stress that it put on me until we were through. I feel this huge release right now. Yes, i miss her, but after taking a step back and realizing how much bullshit she put on my shoulders, i'm not interested in talking to her.

I'm sure one of you two will end up showing her this post, and I don't really care. It's how I feel. She's going to have a retort, a rebuttle, like she always does. I'm sick of her logic that jumps from track to track leaving me wondering what the hell just happened. I'm tired of being accused, insulted, and used. I'm tired of the guilt trips for wanting things that are good for me. I'm tired of the pressure to drop out of RIT. I'm just so through with her. Not to mention she went insane when she ended it, she called me 73 times within the next hour. When she was willing to end it just because I wasn't coming back, i realized how ridiculous this whole thing is. It's been a sham, one-sided. I'm willing to sacrifice so much for her... My savings, my sanity, the physical condition of my car, and the risks i take with skipping classes when i get pressured to stay longer. She visited me up here once. Just once. In six months. She didn't sacrifice shit for me. So I don't want to talk to her. I don't want to hear from her. I don't want to see her ever again. All she was in this for was instant gratification, and all I wanted was a serious relationship.

Just wish I hadn't gone full retard. I'm fixing that now though. It starts with self-respect.

This is at the point where I will give you two pieces of information; The complete and total, cutthroat asshole comment that will be looked upon in a million ways as unnessecary, and uncalled for.
And the other will be a piece of useful information.

First the asshole: Its at this point where the phrase "Told you so", comes in so nessecary. I dont need to go into much depth with this, but that phrase should be cutting pretty deep at the moment. Karma took its hold, as always. It doesnt make me happy in any semblence, but its the first thing that ran through my head the first time I read it, and hasn't stopped. We made a point of saying this road would lead you down this road, and you lost close to a half a year of your life to the stupid move that you made.

Now the less asshole part: Burton, nor I will show her this. It's not either of our places to go to her and be like "OMG LOOK AT WUT MIEK SAID BOUT U", likewise is it our place to run and go "OMG LOK WUT ROXI SAD ON FACEBOOK". I dont know the innards of your relationship, and I never will. I dont get any idea of a story from her yet, its all Facebook posts about how she dun goof'd and the consequences havent been the same sense. If you decide that its better for your personal life, your mental state, your physicial state, and your bank account, than I cant damn you for taking a stand over it, man. You felt like it's taking too much of a toll? She ended it. The way i'm looking at things, you wanted an escape, and she made sure that you didnt have any guilt ties left behind. You're in a disconnection period, and its bound to happen for a while, but the way i'm looking at everything (again, not able to judge the entirety of your relationship, I awsnt in it), things should be on the up and up for you. Good luck with it all, man. Just remember this much; You wanna come home, you wanna chill, dont feel like you're not allowed because of what she's doing/done/will do. You're my guest, and you're welcome wherever I chill. Bro's before hoes, all day, every day, west side, pop it likes its hot, and all other gangstah related bro speeches.

Thanks so much man. I figured it was going to go like this: she dumps me, she makes me out to be a huge scumbag, and all of you hate me, and i don't get to see you all ever again. The "told you so" thing doesn't really bother me at all. I mean... we both expected this to take effort, and we both knew i wouldn't be around, but I didn't expect her to be the way she was. When we were starting out, she was completely different. When we both became committed, she changed faster than a straight man in a locker room at a primarily gay gym. This change wasn't pleasant. She was more moody, less supportive of what I wanted. I hadn't expected her to become so bitchy. As for karma, haha, you're probably right.

But, i still wanted to stay with her. I'm either retarded or masochistic. I didn't want to break up until she told me it was over for good. When she said that, it felt like i couldn't trust her to be sane about any decision that i wanted to make. We've been having a ton of problems as it was, and we had a break about three weeks ago.

I'm nowhere near chasing other girls. There are a few after me, but i have no desire to get into another relationship for a while. I want to enjoy my freedom. I like the biggest thing bringing me down today is there being too much pulp in my OJ. It sounds retarded, but I just love not worrying anymore. Not caring. She called me from her parents' house phone yesterday, hoping i'd answer like "hurr durr hello?". Copied and pasted it into google, got hudson, ny. Derp.

Thanks so much man. I figured it was going to go like this: she dumps me, she makes me out to be a huge scumbag, and all of you hate me, and i don't get to see you all ever again.

I may be a graduate of the Cairo-Durham School District, but I am in no ways an idiot in any semblence to the term, and if you think that i'd go so far as to straight believe her, and not take into consideration your side, I'd be as stupid as half of those people we graduated with. I also took enough of a hint that she's moping on Facebook, and not calling you out as a complete and total asshole, as a sign that she's the one that fucked it up, and you wernt like, having an affair, although i'd seriously doubt that in the first place.

i don't get to see you all ever again

We've been friends for HOW long? Six months of a stupid relationship going south doesnt change jack shit. Believe me, have you any idea how hard it was to be friends with Pete when Sophia dumped me? It was like trying to break ice layered diamond with my bare fists. If I could bring my head to wrap around the distinction that they were two different people, I can manage to distinct you two outside of a relationship. As I said, you're always welcomed wherever I hang out. Anyone has an issue with it, they can take it up with me, and i'm a pretty tough motherfucker, and they wont be stupid enough.

I mean... we both expected this to take effort, and we both knew i wouldn't be around, but I didn't expect her to be the way she was. When we were starting out, she was completely different. When we both became committed, she changed faster than a straight man in a locker room at a primarily gay gym. This change wasn't pleasant. She was more moody, less supportive of what I wanted. I hadn't expected her to become so bitchy

After every period in this entire paragraph, every sentence, my summery ended with "Welcome to relationships", and made me chuckle. Honestly, there isnt much to scratch beyond this surface: Girls will be different because they feel like they'll appease you, and than, they'll return to their normal selves, figuring they already bagged the trophy, why bother competing? It's like when you call a dog from the outside with the promise of a treat, and proceed to NOT give it a treat. One word here that keeps running through my skull: Facade.

But, i still wanted to stay with her. I'm either retarded or masochistic

I mean, damn, you must be a fucking retard for wanting to be happy and make things work, like an adult in an adult relationship. It is at this point that I will go to Facebook, have every friend I have join the forums, to sit and insult you for doing an adult thing. Fucking idiot. You dun goof'd, man.

Yeah, so that entire paragraph was sarcasm (Cause like, you couldnt tell, right?)

I'm nowhere near chasing other girls.

Thats a good thing, man, at least you're smart enough to realize you just came out of a relationship that didnt work well, and you're taking some time to yourself to, rebuild the fort, per se. Dont rush yourself back in, thats just asking for a failure.

It sounds retarded, but I just love not worrying anymore. Not caring.

That doesnt sound retarded at all. I only wish that I could say to myself that I have no worries in life, but it seems like I bare an immense amount of pressure where ever I go. However, I digress. Take things slow is a good thing, man. No point into heading back into something that you know you cant.

 Now the fun part's of the post

. She called me from her parents' house phone yesterday, hoping i'd answer like "hurr durr hello?". Copied and pasted it into google, got hudson, ny. Derp

You didnt? YOU BASTARD. Besides, maybe it was the drug dealers asking how your supply of bud was doin'?

. There are a few after me,

.....bastard.

but i have no desire to get into another relationship for a while

BASTARD.

And last but not least

. As for karma, haha, you're probably right

QFT. Damn straight I am.

[nedthehead]

Lemme just say this much:

Mike, that's a really fucking mature decision and I'm proud of you for it. Not even kidding. I can imagine how much of a pain it is to walk away from something like that, but you're definitely right. It only put THAT much pain and pressure on you, and now it's gone. You definitely made the right call man, and good on you. There are other hoes who will be worth your time :p
This coming from experience. I just had a rough ending to the closest friendship I've ever had, but it was really shaky at the end. Friends shouldn't be like that. Should be peaceful. You should be yourself

Good on you man!

[Haloruler64]

Yeha man, no hard feelings whatsoever, I welcome you back with open arms and an erect penis.

[Syn_xD]

Hi Mike.

[stjimmyskater]

Well, what's been up with me...many ups and downs over the past while. Had surgery on the noggin a week ago. Still recovering. Still feeling ups and downs, but trying to keep myself positive. That's about it for me.